Are You Asking With Judgment or Curiosity?

Questions are so important. In fact, they are a critical component of our growth and development. However, have you ever asked yourself, “Where are my questions coming from?”

This sounds like a trick, right? Of course they are coming from a place of needing more information, right? But are they? Many times we as humans ask questions not out of curiosity, but out of judgment.

Let’s look at a very simple example..

Picture this, you’re driving to a restaurant to meet your best friend, you pick up the phone and call her to find out exactly when she’s going to arrive and you ask the question….What is your ETA? Sounds like a pretty normal question to ask, right? Let’s dig deeper, where is this question coming from?

  1. Are you asking because you know your best friend is habitually late and you’re looking to confirm your assumption that she’ll be late this time, too?

  2. Are you asking because you’re late and you are placing a ton of pressure and guilt on yourself for potentially showing up after your friend?

  3. Are you asking out of genuine curiosity?

The first two scenarios are loaded with judgment and there are lots of thoughts and emotions tied to the question. I’ve started bringing more consciousness to where my questions are coming from and I’ve realized I ask questions from a place of judgment more often than I’d like. Just by participating in this exercise I’ve been able to in the moment shift how I’m asking questions and remove the judgment. From curiosity, we can move forward. From judgment, we stand still or go backward on our goals and on who we want to be. From judgment we spend time feeling scared, angry, frustrated and resentful. From curiosity we feel interested, seeking discovery, growth and pleasure.

To help with this I’ve actually created a judgment journal. Journaling isn’t for everyone, but for me this has been extremely helpful. Each time I catch myself not just asking questions from a place of judgment, but judging in general, I write it down. By bringing awareness to the judging I’m able to see how often it happens and TRUST ME it happens a lot, but I must admit it’s happening less frequently now that I’m more aware.